A black or white cowboy hat. It’s a commonly known fact that, in the Old West, the human morality spectrum was diluted until only the most potent measures of ethical behavior were left- the color of your cowboy hat. The white hat is for people who want to make friends and be thought of as […]

Lights. Like many other time periods before electricity, it’s dark as crap at night. Just make sure to draw the blinds, as you’re sure to attract the ire of the locals by having the only working nightlight on the planet. Tweet This Post

  A riding bear. Anyone can ride a horse, but when you ride around on a bear, people know you mean business. Tweet This Post

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1986 version: no kids, no Jar-Jars, and 100% midichlorian-free.) Dodgeball 2: The Seven Voyages of Steve the Pirate Troll 2 Part 2: OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD Ultra Snake & Mega Shark vs. Hyper Python & Giant Dog Gopherhinoctodile starring Debbie Gibson and Gedde Watanabe   Tweet This Post

Benjamin Franklin: Beneath his sagacious, brilliant exterior was a cranky old man who liked to walk around his house naked. And trust me, he does not have the right physique for frequent nudity. His physique lends itself to being a clothing model for ponchos and parachute pants. Mr. Ed: Time travelers have discovered that the famous […]

              It’s a well known fact that, in the old west, groups of ill-mannered ne’er-do-well cowboys would roam the vast plains, searching for any town with inhabitants foolish enough to square off against them in a dance contest. These ruffians were armed with naught but the gleam in their […]